Why Do I Hold Back

My son is involved in a production of Wizard of Oz at his high school. He plays Professor Marvel, and later he also plays the Guard at Emerald City. As the guard, he has a solo.

On the first night, he really belted the song out. I have talked, at length with him, about projection, and have convinced him that it is better to be heard “off-key than to not be heard, at all. Actually, he did a very nice job the first night. He projected well and his voice was right on-key for the majority of his part.

On the second night, they placed a wireless microphone on Christopher and a couple of the other actors. The main characters had already been mic’d the first night.

I noticed a phenomenon demonstrated by each of the actors with the new equipment. Whereas each had performed well, without the voice enhancing electronics, so too did each become more self-conscious as soon as the amplification devices were utilized.

My son began his solo, just fine, but when the crew in the control booth turned up his volume, and I presume he heard his own voice over the audio system, he became more timid, more uncertain. His tonal quality declined as a result of this self consciousness. As Christopher “held back” his overall quality suffered.

I noticed the same result with the other kids.

I began thinking about my own life, and all the ways I have “held back” throughout my various endeavors.

Today I am wondering if I have ever given “all I had to give” to anything. I know I have given my all, at specific times, to specific individuals, for example; but I am wondering if I have ever “fully committed” all that I had to any grand scheme.

I like to think I do that, today, with my spiritual practice, but I know I hold back there as well.

I will continue pondering this. I have more to say about it, and in fact wrote quite a bit more this morning, but I need to send this on, so I will close for now.

I am curious about the real reasons that I hold back, in any area of my life. I know the reasons I have given myself for these choices.

Today, I want to challenge those “truths” and see if there is more to discover about myself through this analysis.

Thanks for being here, as I “Think Out-loud”.