No, No, No You First

In 1999 when my family moved to our new home, construction was just beginning to claim the surrounding fields and farms. This area was still considered country, as evidenced by the “Hi neighbor” wave, everyone used to share, when passing on the roads.

It is amazing how quickly things change. In just 6 years, hundreds of homes have replaced turkey roosts. What where once simple country roads are now busy, crowded streets.

One four-way stop, about 2 miles south of my home, has been particularly impacted by the population explosion.

When we first moved here, people seldom stopped at this sign, simply because there was no cross or oncoming traffic. Now it is not uncommon, particularly in the mornings, to see 10 to 12 cars stopped at the sign, in each direction.

I am guessing that many of the people, who now live in this Piper area, of Kansas City, Kansas received their driver’s licenses from other states and then moved here. At least the various interpretations of what is meant by “four-way stop” seem to indicate a departure from what the State of Kansas teaches.

Stopping at this crowded intersection, these days, is an interesting case study in personalities. I want to highlight just four of the more prevalent types you may find at this stop now.

1. The “I am just too important to be troubled” driver. This (typically male) driver rolls through the stop sign on the bumper of the car in front of him. His thinking is that he has already stopped once, so there is no need for him to stop again. He is clearly a highly important guy, and has many important things to do on this day. As long as you understand this, and stay out of his way, all is well.

2. The “My cell phone is really a force field” driver. This individual (may be either sex) has one thing, and one thing only on her mind, completing the conversation at hand. This driver believes that if she does not look at you, you can not see her. She does not want to risk losing contact with her cell phone, by turning to acknowledge the other drivers, whose turn she is taking at the stop.

3. The “I’m so co-dependent” driver is the nicest person at the stop, unless you happen to be stuck behind them. They do not want to appear pushy, so they will allow as many of the type 1 or type 2 drivers to proceed, as the drivers behind her will allow. The type 1 and type 2 drivers consider this, gentle soul, "timid", and treat her accordingly.

4. Finally, there are “the rule followers”. This group has been taught that it is the first person to come to a full stop, who has the right to proceed first. If two cars approach the intersection at the same time, the driver on the right has the right-of-way. This person actually strives to follow these simple rules so the traffic control device serves all. You may identify this driver by the frequent head turning (body language for “I can’t believe you!”), which he feels compelled to employ each morning as the Type 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s display their true colors.

The good news is that people still wave at the intersection. The bad news is that they no longer use all their fingers.

Incidentally, when returning from taking my son to school this morning, a man, I do not know, smiled and gave me a wave. I felt excited, refreshed, renewed. I must remember what impact such a friendly gesture can have. I am going to revisit my commitment to sharing such greetings. I will not let the “What planet are you from?” looks deter me.

If I wave 20 times and only one person feels the joy I experienced, it will be well worth the trouble. I even promise to use all my fingers.

I am going to have some “Wave at a Stranger” bumper stickers made. They will be available on my web site in a matter of days. Imagine the world if we all sent a loving greeting to each soul who crossed our paths.

WOW! Consider the possibilities!